We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
