I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
