The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
