we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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