Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
