there's paper in my vomit.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
