paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
