Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
