You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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