we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
