please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
