nut hugger
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
