"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
