Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
