what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Actions speak louder than pants.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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