did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
