i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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