If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
