I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
