Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
