He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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