She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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