im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
