Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
