I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
