How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
