That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
