No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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