just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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