Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
