dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
