Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We smell like vodka and hangover
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