She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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