I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
