There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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