i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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