my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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