Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
