She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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