doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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