Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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