My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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