i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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