I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
