I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
