As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
