I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also, beer. Big fan.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
