Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
