my phone needs a breathalizer
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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