I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
