I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
